I’ve come to realize that I am not the same person I was a year ago, or any other year ago. I change almost every day, in little ways. But soon all those little changes start adding up, and I’m a whole other person. Would the Frazer from five years ago think he would end up as the person I am now? Would the Old Frazer even like me now?
I am not proud of all of my decisions or lifestyle choices. I regret many things yet continue to do things I know I will regret. I have the gift of hindsight, knowing that the decision I am about to make will not be the right one, but I just ignore that in favour of sweet, quick and empty gratification. Case in point, calling in sick for two days of work (I was actually sick but not so sick that I couldn’t work) and playing video games while staying up until four in the morning in its stead. Believe me, that example is not the worst of it.
Regardless, things in my life need to change again, and for the better. I am living with Jeffery now and that aspect of my life is going well. We have the same/different problems that every relationship has but nothing that ever makes me love him less. I need to change because I don’t want to give him a reason to love me less.
I need purpose in my life. School has become a chore rather than a joy. Video games still enthral me, but what am I accomplishing? The amount of time I have spent playing video games could have been spent creating my own video game. Who knows?
One of the things I have lost in my growing older is belief in my self. I love video games. I love movies. I love music. I love cooking. Why haven’t I turned these passions into a fruitful endeavour? Not even failure can make it fruitless. It’s not a nice thing to say about myself, but I have grown into a coward. I feel crippled.
So, Johnny, here is the song I was going to send you in a message but I couldn’t because Tumblr is silly. I know you like video games, and if you like my taste in music, hopefully you like this song from one of the best video games of the year (in my opinion).
Seriously, why are TM’s discs and not some sort of training manual? I mean, I didn’t realize that Pokemon were like the people from The Matrix, and you could just upload crap into them.
Bastion - Xbox 360
Okay, so Summer of Arcade (this is the same event that brought Limbo, Braid, Shadow Complex and Castle Crashers in previous years) is coming back to Xbox Live Arcade again and I am so excited! Some of what I think to be the best games ever made have come from this month Xbox Live Arcade and Summer of Arcade, so I am pretty gosh darned excited!
Okay, I think these two video game characters (left: Dante, from Devil May Cry and Balthier, from Final Fantasy XII) are totally swoon-worthy. They give me mega nerdgasms. Plus, it doesn’t help that Dante is a badass and Balthier is a pirate with the sexiest voice ever.